Never have I been more humbled than on this journey of parenthood. Whether it is walking out of a restaurant with your kiddos poopie undies in the pocket of your hoodie (yep did that the other day) or coming face-to-face with some less than desirable personality traits reflected back at you it is a non-stop-always-and-forever-learning process. You revisit things time & time again. You forgive & are forgiven. You cry out & are constantly cried at. Most nights you can't wait for bedtime & then other nights you go in their rooms after they are asleep because you miss them & want to watch them sleep. You basically feel like a crazy person all of time because you can't remember anything & you are being pulled at talked at all day long. You clap with excitement over lego creations & then curse later as you step on them. You long for a night out with girlfriends & then spend the time talking about your little ones. You can't wait for free time & then when you get it you don't know what to do with your bad self. It is all this & more. It is nothing at all like I thought it would be. It is terrific & sometimes terrifying.
It is real, messy, sometimes so beautiful & in-your-face you can't stand it, it makes your blood boil, and you love with both a fierceness & gentleness you didn't know existed. You want to protect them & allow them to make mistakes all in the same day. That and track on their sugar intake. How is this possible? How is it possible to train, parent, guard, love, cherish, discipline & enjoy all day long? Sometimes I just need to take a moment & reflect on the magnitude of being a mama. It is so much more than making sure we have milk & super-hero band aids. It is more than making sure the blankies are clean & the bedtime routine isn't forgotten. It is more than platitudes & greeting cards could ever capture. Moment by moment. Day by day. Step by step. Then we wake up & start again. Full on joy & mess coming at us the moment we arise. It is more than words can say. It is a feeling all to it's own. It is being a mama.