Lock down.

I have officially entered into lock down mode.  So sorry, but no I can not watch your kids. Sorry, but no I can not go out to coffee one night this week.  Haven't you heard?  Levi is about to start all day every day kindergarten and life as I know it is about to come to change.  Any normalcy that I can cling to I am a clinging to.  Life is shifting & will forever change & I don't have any way to prepare for it other than go into lock down mode.  May not be the healthiest way to deal with rapidly approaching change, but whateves it's how I roll.

I did the same thing when we were about to welcome our second son into our family.  The bonus of having a scheduled c-section is that you know when & where you are going to meet your kiddo for the first time so leading up to said time you are able to somewhat "prepare" or lock down depending on your preference.  I was able to hold on to the last bit of family of threesome as I could before we officially became a foursome.

Earlier in life I went in to lock down before we moved across the country. I visited my favorite restaurants, saw the peeps I saw on a regular basis.  Cherishing the every day.  The norm.  Not necessarily on a weepy good-bye tour, but soaking in the moments that made up my life.  Doesn't mean I still didn't have to pack boxes or talk with my realtor, but it did mean that those preparations we had to make to accommodate the change didn't get to steal any moments away from my time remaining in my current season.

The thing is later this week when every day all day begins everything is going to change.  Our weekends, our weeks, our days, our mornings & our nights.  Nap times for Lukie will be cut short to go to school, mornings will be rushed to go to school, bedtime will be earlier so we can go to school.  So instead of filling up these final days with grand adventures to say farewell & rather than have practice days of timing how quickly junior can get up & dressed & out the door with my stop watch I prefer to stay in pj's until 10, watch a movie & enjoy one another.  I don't want to commit to doing anything other than that.  Hence the lock down.

Lock down mode could also be seen as burying my head in the sand, not "preparing" enough, denial, or what have you, but whatever name you put to it let it be known that I am preparing for the change the only way I know how.  By savoring the norm, soaking in the every day & slowly saying good-bye to a season that I have cherished. One that has had it's fill of difficulties, arguments & negotiating,  But it has also had it's fill of throwing rocks into the ocean, meandering walks down the trail, getting to go to the library or park whenever it struck our fancy & lots & lots of laughter. Alas, lock down it is.  Committing this past season to memory & enjoying what bit of it we have left.