wondering.

Maybe it's just me, but I am sensing a new trend in blogs, books, society that moms are finally being able to say "This is hard!!" That they are able to embrace the season they are in with all it's difficulties & acknowledge that in isn't for the faint of heart.  Now when I say "new" trend give me some grace, because it is totally possible that moms have been saying that for years. I am typically a few steps behind.  Just ask my friends.  I didn't even know jeggings were a thing until they had already been a thing for about a year.

I spent years of my life not being mindful.  About anything.  Truly.  How else do you end up a 36- year-old woman with 5 tattoos that have no meaning at all.  I wish there was some back ground or deep significance to them as people always seem a bit disappointed when I simply shrug.

As I am trying to be more mindful especially in my parenting I am wondering if this trend to admit parenting is difficult & has really hard moments might sometimes go a little too far?  Don't get me wrong there is nothing more I need some days than to list off all of the reasons it has been a tough day & to have a friend say " I get it.  It is so hard."  I just wonder for myself does it matter that it's hard?  This is my calling to be a mama & it is also a choice I have made.  Otherwise my husband & I would still be living with our bad-selves eating out & sleeping in.

When I experience the witching hour (for us it is that time right before dinner) & I am fussing & fuming around the kitchen, because my tiny people are all up in my grill asking " what 's for dinner?  Is it the chicken I like?  I don't like chicken after all!" (all accompanied with some whining & foot stomping) do I give my family the feeling that they are a nuisance to me?   Through my sighs & exasperated answers?   Because making dinner can sometimes be trying at our house do I give the impression that I don't care if they eat a healthy or yummy dinner that I just want to get this task over with & move on to the next obligation?

Does it matter how many hours of sleep I didn't get?  Doesn't keeping track & sharing it kind of just make me more tired?  Does saying I am overwhelmed actually do anything to help me figure out what to do first?  Or does saying it just give me permission to feel like I am at a loss before I have even began?    I am trying to figure this out, because sometimes when I am preparing dinner & the hungry tiny people come at me I think to myself  'I can't handle this'  and in my attempt to be mindful of my thoughts I am wondering why?  Why can't I handle this?  I am their mom. If anyone can handle this it's me.  Give them a slice of cheese & a distraction & get on with it.  Put some music on & turn the kitchen into Funky town.  Prep dinner ahead when they are having their rest time to make it easier on all of us when we all turn into hungry monsters. For me it seems the longer I dwell on or talk about how my day with my kids was so exhausting or trying or maddening that those thoughts & feelings linger longer than they ought to.

I once read that you can't feel two emotions at the same time. That we are totally incapable of it.  And the author suggested replacing thoughts of frustration with thoughts of gratitude.  Even if you don't feel it just to throw up a "I'm so thankful my kids can communicate with me & tell me what they need"  even if it is right when I am in the middle of slicing & dicing veggies for dinner that may or may not get eaten all while having a screaming 2-year-old hanging on to my leg.  Maybe it is just tricking yourself into a different mentality, but I wonder if it matters?  As we are caring for & molding & nurturing these tiny little people so much depends on our thoughts & words.  We as moms seem to be the thermostat for the house.  Everyone else's temperature rises or falls depending on what we are set at.  So if we were able to think differently & talk differently maybe we would actually start to feel & live in that new way?  That would be a good trend!

I hope you can hear my heart on this.  I am not at all suggesting we all adopt Pollyanna attitudes.  I don't have it figured out at.all.  I would love to hear what you do to keep it real with out commiserating?  How are the ways you are mindful in your thoughts towards your kiddos helping in your actions towards them?