It took me by surprise. I didn't even see it coming. I was clicking away eager to be done with the insurance inquires & to enjoy my quiet since my four-year-old was napping for the first time in years. (It was sacred time if you know what I mean). As I clicked once more I only saw the "Congratulations & welcome to the Ethiopia program". I paid no attention the the 10+ attachments or the long letter that followed. I simply saw that & I sobbed. Like instant puffy face sob. On the floor but trying to be muffled since said four-year-old was napping kind of sob. I didn't have anyone to share it with. I was able to savor it. To soak it in. To exclaim. To wonder. To Praise. I actually said "Shut-up!" to the computer before I fell to the floor in a puddle. I really didn't' believe they would accept us. Whether was an act of self-preservation for my heart or I just really believed that I was utterly taken aback by their decision to allow us to move forward.
Once I collected myself & called my husband I was able to look through the attachments & the letter. The forms to come, the fees to pay, oh my. I still don't know how it will all get accomplished. I still don't know how it will all work out. I still don't know if she'll love us right away or not. I wonder about her favorite color. I wonder about her parents, siblings, aunts & uncles. I wonder if she'll be so mad that we took her away from her country & her sights & sounds & smells that were familiar to her. I wonder if she always be sad & miss those she's lost or who lost her. I wonder where I'll take her to get her hair done & if she'll mind that I'm not very girly. Basically I'm all over the place. These are things I've wondered for a bit but haven't allowed my heart to go there. I am free now to hope a little & plan a bit.
I try to explain to my boys that this could take a while. A long while. I fret that maybe they don't' understand what we are about to embark on. Then I have to wonder, do I? I have to remind myself of course I don't! We've never done this before. Sure we started & stopped many times but to actually be at this point is a first for us.
So what comes next? Lot of paperwork. Like lots. We are in what the agency refers to as the "paper-chase" phase. That leaves little to the imagination. Then the home study. Which I can't even go there yet or I'll get worked up in a tizzy. Right now it's just best if I only do the next thing as I was already thinking of how we needed to make sure no light bulbs were burnt out because obviously that is a sign of a neglectful parent, am I right? Oh my poor husband. What he is going to go through as that approaches. His honey-do list will have a list. We would love to have you along with us on this journey. I may over-share (fair warning) but your questions are welcome & your encouragement & prayers are crucial. So I am off to buy a ream of printer paper (& some light bulbs) , settle in with my signing pen & do the next thing.