Thursday, February 19, 2015

What's Next

It took me by surprise.  I didn't even see it coming.  I was clicking away eager to be done with the insurance inquires & to enjoy my quiet since my four-year-old was napping for the first time in years.  (It was sacred time if you know what I mean).  As I clicked once more I only saw the "Congratulations & welcome to the Ethiopia program". I paid no attention the the 10+ attachments or the long letter that followed. I simply saw that & I sobbed.  Like instant puffy face sob.  On the floor but trying to be muffled since said four-year-old was napping kind of sob.  I didn't have anyone to share it with.  I was able to savor it.  To soak it in.  To exclaim.  To wonder.  To Praise.  I actually said "Shut-up!" to the computer before I fell to the floor in a puddle.  I really didn't' believe they would accept us.  Whether was an act of self-preservation for my heart or I just really believed that I was utterly taken aback by their decision to allow us to move forward.

Once I collected myself & called my husband I was able to look through the attachments & the letter.  The forms to come, the fees to pay, oh my. I still don't know how it will all get accomplished.  I still don't know how it will all work out.  I still don't know if she'll love us right away or not.  I wonder about her favorite color. I wonder about her parents, siblings, aunts & uncles.  I wonder if she'll be so mad that we took her away from her country & her sights & sounds & smells that were familiar to her.  I wonder if she always be sad & miss those she's lost or who lost her.  I wonder where I'll take her to get her hair done & if she'll mind that I'm not very girly.  Basically I'm all over the place.  These are things I've wondered for a bit but haven't allowed my heart to go there.  I am free now to hope a little & plan a bit.

I try to explain to my boys that this could take a while.  A long while.  I fret that maybe they don't' understand what we are about to embark on.  Then I have to wonder, do I?  I have to remind myself of course I don't!  We've never done this before.  Sure we started & stopped many times but to actually be at this point is a first for us.

So what comes next?  Lot of paperwork.  Like lots.  We are in what the agency refers to as the "paper-chase" phase.  That leaves little to the imagination.  Then the home study.  Which I can't even go there yet or I'll get worked up in a tizzy.  Right now it's just best if I only do the next thing as I was already thinking of how we needed to make sure no light bulbs were burnt out because obviously that is a sign of a neglectful parent, am I right?  Oh my poor husband.  What he is going to go through as that approaches.  His honey-do list will have a list.  We would love to have you along with us on this journey.  I may over-share (fair warning) but your questions are welcome & your encouragement & prayers are crucial.  So I am off to buy a ream of printer paper (& some light bulbs) , settle in with my signing pen & do the next thing.

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