As of late I have been doing really good with not yelling. It had been weeks since I had began my challenge. My voice has certainly gotten terse, but yell I have not. That is until yesterday happened.
It was raining all day long. We haven't had much social time, I was hungry & tired. All triggers for me to get my yell on. The fort was what set me over the edge. I was trying to change the sheets on my boy's beds & I kept tripping over fort "materials" aka blankets & pillows & about 50,000 stuffed animals that always accompany the forts. As the forts are not merely a place to sit & chat in. They are wild animal dens or pet shops or zoos. Each built with mounds of "materials". Thus I was failing at changing the sheets & since it is something I only do every once in awhile I just wanted to be done.with.it.
And.I.Lost.It. "I am going to freak out if this fort doesn't get cleaned up right way!!" I yelled & then started tossing blankets, pillows, socks, animals, whatever was in my way...the tiny table & chairs I tripped on again asking my son to get them out of the way & back where they belong with my gritted teeth. My sons complied looking at me like I always am a wild eyed froth mouth monster....only they went about it at the speed of let's say 0. So sloooooooow which of course didn't help. Which by the way I think it is safe to say that since I had to say I was going to freak out that I was probably already freaking out.
I ran out of the room because at this point I was swearing in my head. Truly I was. Back in the day I swore like a sailor, but the last few years I haven't uttered any to my knowledge..but here was the f-bomb swirling around in my head. Seriously nothing says you've come unglued like hearing a voice cuss out a fort in your head. During the meltdown (mine not the kids) I suddenly remembered a tip I had read & that was how I found myself with my head in the freezer. Yup. Tried it. And, it honestly helped a little. I don' know if it helped because there is something about the temperature that truly "cools" you down or because it is so totally ridiculous. I can say that I was thankful that the husband wasn't home, because I am pretty sure that would have been a source of glee for him to happen upon. I can also say if you ever find yourself with your head in the freezer that you quickly realize how badly said freezer needs to be cleaned out & then freezer time is done.
So after I had a little snack, got over my guilt about swearing at the fort, and got a little perspective I realized (shocker) it wasn't really about the fort, animals, sheets at all, but that I hadn't been taking care of myself that morning & news flash multiple cups of creamer with a little coffee splashed in them is not the way to get your calm on. I apologized to my sons for the way I had acted & how I shouldn't have spoken or shouted that way & thanked them for cleaning up the fort. They proceeded to forgive me instantly. Without a thought or with out a little "yeah mom you were acting a little crazy what's up with that?"
I appreciated how they reacted. I think I could learn a lesson about forgiveness from their little hearts. They were able to forgive me for being the imperfect & messy gal I am with out keeping a record of my wrong & with kindness. I think it is valuable for them to see me in my imperfect moments. To know that I mess up. I don't want the expectation around our home to be that you have to have it all together all of the time, because that is not how real life is. Better yet I want to be able to forgive my boys when I see them having their imperfect